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My twin sister has had her baby today. His name is Ceejay and he weighed 6 pounds and 12 ounces. My sister has gone through a lot (IVF many times, complicated pregnancy) so I am really quite awed.
Filed by renaeden at May 31st, 2008 under Random/Daily Stuff.
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As in Electro-Convulsive Therapy, not the incorrect way some people write et cetera. 
In 2005 I dealt with some pretty bad depression. A lot of small things happened that saddened me and my self-esteem disappeared. So I did my whole “go on a long walk to think about it and get all the people that care about me so worried that they call the police” routine. I didn’t think of the impact on people, now I do realise what it did and know that back then I was thinking only of myself.
I ended up being admitted to psychiatric hospital as a result. I stayed there for three months. I had a psychiatrist assigned to me that didn’t believe I was autistic, I was just depressed. Depression was the main part at that time. Many medications were tried on me: antidepressants, anti-psychotics and anti-anxieties were the main ones. Anti-psychotics were awful, they made me shake and twitch a lot and so they were stopped. One antidepressant made my blood pressure rise and I finally found out what a really bad panic attack felt like (worse than I have ever had without crying).
I saw a lot of people come and go at that hospital. I wanted to feel better but didn’t know how and so was content to just sleep all day.
Two months passed and I guess the doctors were ready to try ECT as my depression remained the same. I was told about ECT and asked whether I was willing to try it and I was. I know some patients/people are horrified at the thought of ECT but at that time I was willing to have it because there didn’t seem to be anything to lose. If you are depressed and not wanting to live, the thought of ECT doesn’t even get a thought reaction. Another psychiatrist came to see me to assess whether ECT would be suitable for my sort of depression. Here in Western Australia, two psychiatrists have to agree on using ECT as a treatment for a patient. The second psychiatrist agreed and then I had to sign a form giving my consent to treatment. I was woken up one afternoon to sign it and I should have listened to the doctor reading out the form to me but I didn’t. A form as important as that should be read.
The next week I was taken to another hospital (the hospital I was at wasn’t doing ECT that day, I forget why) in a hospital car with another person named Trevor. He had had ECT before and was fine with it. The other hospital I went to was/is specifically a psychiatric hospital. The section I went to looked quite new, as in built recently. Directly inside was a waiting room, so I think that area was made for ECT patients from other hospitals specifically. Trevor had his ECT first which was annoying to me as I don’t like waiting and there was nothing worth reading in the waiting room. I waited for about half an hour then was called through to a room that looked like a small operating theatre. There were four people in there. I had taken all my jewelery off at the hospital I was from beforehand so I just had to take off my shoes and my glasses right then.
I was directed to lay on a narrow hospital bed with light blue sheets so I did that and then someone rubbed some gel on my temples and then stuck some sort of stickers there and held them on tightly with their hands. That felt odd. Someone else laid a sheet on me and I was grateful for that as I felt cold. An anaethsetist put a needle in my hand and then the anaesthetic went through. I could not keep my eyes open after that. That feeling is very strange.
I woke up in the same place ?time later with those same people standing around me reassuring me that everything went well. I had a headache like I had banged my head all over on something hard and my face felt hot. I was told I could sit up and the needle was taken out of my hand. I felt a bit shaky and woozy but otherwise fine. I sat for a few minutes then I was helped up to walk out to the car to go back to hospital. I don’t think I was very alert on the way back to hospital. When I got back I had something to eat for lunch and had a bit of a sleep and then I felt normal physically for the rest of the day.
What I felt when I woke up the next morning was a whole different story. I felt like I had been beaten up and there were no noticeable signs on the outside. I can’t remember if I had been told about this beforehand or not. But I felt really bad and I could hardly move. I do remember that someone said ECT usually only does this on the first time having it and found out that this was true for me. The muscle pain was due to seizure activity. I was still quite sore when I had the second ECT, this time in the same hospital I stayed at. My psychiatrist was there and so were three nurses that I recall. It was quite strange because the room where the ECT was done was at the other end of the hospital and so the three of us patients (it was always three for this) took a wheelchair each and pushed it there. This was so the nurse that accompanied us on the way there could wheel each of us back to the ward when each ECT was done.
When I woke up from the second ECT, I was asked strange questions like what was my name, did I know where I was and so on. I answered the questions and then one of the nurses told me I had them worried because my seizure went on and on for about five minutes. I felt fine, though, a little bit sore from the first ECT still. The doctor told me later on that they had to use almost twice the amount of succinylcholine than they do on most people in the times afterwards that I had ECT.
Suxamethonium chloride (also known as succinylcholine, scoline, or colloquially as sux) is a medication widely used in emergency medicine and anesthesia to induce muscle relaxation, usually to make endotracheal intubation possible. Suxamethonium is sold under several trade names such as Anectine, and may be referred to as “sux” for short. - From Wikipedia.
I don’t know why this happened. I do know that I started feeling better mentally after four to five ECTs. I started staying up all day and making an effort to get dressed and I also started eating more. I was encouraged in all of these things. I started going to the activities that were on during the day, especially the art program and the morning walk. I didn’t have to coax myself to do those things, I actually felt like doing them which surprised me as previously I had little hope of feeling that way again. In total I had ECT eight times, spread over 3 weeks.
For me, the memory loss associated with ECT was and is pretty bad. The reason I say “is” is because the memories I lost during the time of having ECT, they have not come back. I do not think they ever will. I have tried jogging my memory but that doesn’t work, it is like the memories I try to remember were never there in the first place. I was told that it would be short-term memory that would be affected. Whole days are gone from my memory. In a way, I think that happens to almost everyone anyway. Can you remember what you did on October 7 2002? (you are exempt if this date is your birthday) I thought I would remember Christmas Day 2005, but I have no memory of it at all. There are other events and things that I did that I probably should remember and yet have no recollection. One particular memory that I am sad to have lost is when I met my husband for the first time in Melbourne in earlier 2005. I spent a week with GA and I can barely remember any of it. GA has told me a lot of what happened then, yet I still don’t remember it.
My family definitely don’t/did not support the idea of me having ECT. Hearing “ugh, that’s because you had ECT” after saying I don’t remember a particular event makes me sad.
I have wondered if I would consent to having ECT again. I feel that if I get that level of depression again, I will definitely consider it. Between suicidal depression and ECT, I would choose ECT.
Filed by renaeden at May 26th, 2008 under Related to Mental Health
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On Friday I had an interview at the Disability Services Commission for the once-weekly admin job. I had been waiting for a few months for the interview to happen so I wasn’t really worried about it. Their office is a couple of suburbs north from where I live and I had been there before a few years ago so I thought I would remember where it is. On the way there I realised I didn’t remember it anymore. 
I did get there just a few minutes late (and was very stressed out in the car when I knew this was going to happen - I don’t like being late for anything) but I don’t think it was noticed.
The interview went well, I really couldn’t ask for better employers because they are all LACs (Local Area Coordinators). There are three of them there, so all three of them interviewed me at the same time. I was shown and told what I would be doing. Some of it involves me ringing various organisations to order some pamphlets. I was asked if I would mind doing that. I said yes but it would be good for me to use the phone - the more I avoid it the worse I get. I will also be sorting out the stationery and supplies room which I think I will enjoy as I like putting things in order. I will start there on Tuesday at 9am and will work for three hours. 
After the interview was over, we had a discussion about autism for an hour. I am really starting to feel good about answering questions on this topic even though it is all my point of view. It was suggested that I give talks on autism/me and autism to other people and I said that is what I hope to be doing in the near future.
Wow, what an ego boost. 
Have had a few ups and downs with moods but I think it is hormones and also the stress of a really busy week last week and half the week before (confusing).
Looking after parent’s house went well. Only things were the cat losing his collar and the pool going a bit acidic, I didn’t know what to do about that.
GA and I had a psychologist appointment and that went well. I asked about what/how the uni talk/speech would be happening and part of it will involve answering questions while being taped on camera. I don’t like the sound of my voice and so probably will try not to see the finished product! I was really tired because I had to drive there straight from TAFE where we had worked in the rain for part of the day.
Speaking of which, we haven’t had the average amount of rainfall for May yet. It has drizzled and sprinkled a fair bit but rain like that doesn’t register in the rain gauge. Hopefully it will pour on Wednesday because I will be inside at TAFE that day. It can rain a lot on Saturday too because I won’t be doing anything that day either.
Filed by renaeden at May 26th, 2008 under Random/Daily Stuff.
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From here: http://aspergersquare8.blogspot.com/
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The busy week is continuing. I had a doctor’s appointment to get results of my hormone levels test and to get my Depo injection. Not sure if this injection is lowering my testosterone level because this was abnormally low.
I am not in the mood for typing right now, hopefully update in the near future.
Filed by renaeden at May 16th, 2008 under Autism and me...
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Your Karmic Alignment is: Zen Intuition!
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| Score: 16 You have a direct perception of truth. You are very keen and don’t use it to take advantage. When you commit positive deeds, you don’t do them to get ahead, you do positive deeds simply because it makes you feel good. Your intentions are almost always meant well and all this positive karmaic energy is bound to come back to you in a great way! |
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I gave my mum her present for Mother’s Day - a medical dictionary. She said she likes it so I am happy.
Two of my sisters have had their hair done (dyed/cut) and they both looked nice.
Filed by renaeden at May 11th, 2008 under Random/Daily Stuff.
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Filed by renaeden at May 9th, 2008 under Random/Daily Stuff.
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The next two weeks.
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GA and I took the cats to the vet to have immunisations (geez, I hope they don’t get autism from it 
) and I also got two new tyres fitted on the car.
GA and I started a TAFE (Tertiary And Further Education) course last week. It is a horticulture course called the Peel Harvest Project (Peel is the name of our region/area). It is two days per week with one day of a subject called Wider Opportunities for Work, where we learn about things that will help us in the workplace: communication, basic maths, science and English, computer skills, that sort of thing. The second day is purely horticulture: how to operate horticultural machinery, how to use tools and the differences, plant species, etc. We have planned a vegetable garden and are going to prepare the area next week. There are about 12 people in our class.
I had wanted to do the medical course. But the need for something to do was pretty strong and this course was offered by GA’s job agency coordinator. So I took it. I have applied for a job with Bunnings’ garden centre in the past, three times. But they have a history of not employing people with disabilities even if they don’t say so directly. That is something that has annoyed me so maybe with a certificate 1 in horticulture, they will see me differently. I don’t know.
It is Mother’s Day this Sunday. I have bought Mum a present already, so I feel relieved that I have got that covered. We are going for a barbecue at a winery about half an hour’s drive from where we live (called Peel Estate Winery). I hope it doesn’t rain!
Tomorrow I am going to the movies to see Iron Man and I have no idea what it is about. I am going with GA and a friend from our Asocial Group. We have been meaning to get the group started up again but with everyone working all kind of different days and living in lots of different areas, it is hard to work out a proper area and times for meetings.
TAFE is on Wednesdays and Thursdays. On Wednesday night I will be taking my mum and my stepdad (Peter) to the airport because they are going to Queensland to see Peter’s aunty who has become ill and moved into a nursing home. They are going for a week and I have said I will look after their house and pets while they are away. And on Thursday straight after TAFE I have an appointment with my psychologist.
It is going to be a busy week. I can’t say no to any of it. I will do my best and recover later. That is the way of things, as a Jem’Hadar would say.
Filed by renaeden at May 9th, 2008 under Random/Daily Stuff.
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The top 10. It was nice to read this.
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If you’re sick of hearing about all the “deficits” challenging people on the autism spectrum, join the club! But for every down side to autism, there seems to be a positive — an unusual trait that rarely appears among the “typical” community, but shines out among autistic folk. These plusses are well worth celebrating.
1. Autistic People Rarely Lie
We all claim to value the truth, but almost all of us tell little white lies. All, that is, except people on the autism spectrum. To them, truth is truth — and a good word from a person on the spectrum is the real deal.
2. People on the Autism Spectrum Live in the Moment
How often do typical people fail to notice what’s in front of their eyes because they’re distracted by social cues or random chitchat? People on the autism spectrum truly attend to the sensory input that surrounds them. Many have achieved the ideal of mindfulness.
3. People with Autism Rarely Judge Others
Who’s fatter? Richer? Smarter? For people on the autism spectrum, these distinctions hold much less importance than for typical folks. In fact, people on the spectrum often see through such surface appearances to discover the real person.
4. Autistic People are Passionate
Of course, not all autistic people are alike. But many are truly passionate about the things, ideas and people in their lives. How many “typical” people can say the same?
5. People with Autism Are Not Tied to Social Expectations
If you’ve ever bought a car, played a game or joined a club to fit in, you know how hard it is to be true to yourself. But for people with autism, social expectations can be honestly irrelevant. What matters is true liking, interest and passion — not keeping up with the Joneses.
6. People with Autism Have Terrific Memories
How often do typical people forget directions, or fail to take note of colors, names, and other details? People on the autism spectrum are often much more tuned in to details. They may have a much better memory than their typical peers for all kind of critical details.
7. Autistic People Are Less Materialistic
Of course, this is not universally true — but in general, people with autism are far less concerned with outward appearance than their typical peers. As a result, they worry less about brand names, hairstyles and other expensive but unimportant externals than most people do.
8. Autistic People Play Fewer Head Games
Who was that woman, and why were you looking at her? I know I TOLD you I didn’t mind if you went out, but why did you believe me? Most autistic people don’t play games like these — and they assume that you won’t either. It’s a refreshing and wonderful change from the Peyton Place emotional roller coaster that mars too many typical relationships!
9. Autistic People Have Fewer Hidden Agendas
Most of the time, if a person on the autism spectrum tells you what he wants — he is telling you what he wants. No need to beat around the bush, second guess, and hope you’re reading between the lines!
10. People with Autism Open New Doors for Neurotypicals
For some of us neurotypicals, having an autistic person in our lives has had a profound positive impact on our perceptions, beliefs and expectations. For me, at least, being the mum of a son on the autism spectrum has released me from a lifetime of “should” — and offered me a new world of “is”.
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The link:
http://autism.about.com/od/inspirationi … traits.htm
Filed by renaeden at April 28th, 2008 under Autism and me...
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“The term romantic friendship refers to a very close but non-sexual relationship between friends, often involving a degree of physical closeness beyond that common in modern Western society, for example holding hands, cuddling, sharing a bed, as well as open expressions of love for one another.” From Wikipedia.
An asexual is someone who does not experience sexual attraction. Unlike celibacy, which people choose, asexuality is an intrinsic part of who they are. Being asexual does not make a person’s life any worse or any better, they just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people. There is considerable diversity among the asexual community, each asexual person experiences things like relationships, attraction, and arousal somewhat differently.
I don’t like being asexual, I want to be normal like everyone else, what can I do?
I’m afraid that there’s no evidence to show that it’s possible to change someone’s sexuality. You can choose to change the way you act upon your desires or lack of desires, but you can’t change what your desires are. It is possible for someone’s sexuality to drift and change in orientation and intensity with time but this doesn’t happen intentionally and doesn’t happen to everyone.
The best solution is to learn to be comfortable with who and what you are. You can’t change your sexuality and you didn’t choose it, but you can accept it.
I just don’t see how asexuals can be close to anyone, how can you have a relationship without sex?
There are myriad ways for asexuals to form close bonds and relationships with others. Some asexuals keep close friendships, some enjoy ‘traditional’ (but not sexual) romantic couplings. Others form completely different, perhaps unique, relationships.
Asexuals can be ‘more than friends’ or even consider their relationships ‘closer than lovers’. Asexuals can be part of traditional couplings, be a non-sexual loving partner of a polyamorous (loving many) person or perhaps part of a group marriage or some other non-conventional relationship.
Asexual relationships are a ‘blank slate’, there are no rules dictating how non-sexual love is expressed. Many asexuals consider their relationships to be outside the experience of our culture, there are no words to describe the bonds they make with other people.
The possibilities for non-sexual intimacy are vast. Some asexuals enjoy physical closeness, perhaps cuddling or stroking, with their partner. Some asexuals express intimacy through talking, maybe sharing their innermost fears and secrets or by making each other laugh. Some asexuals feel intimacy with their partners by sharing common interests and activities or by working together toward common goals. Others experience intimacy in other deeply personal ways or by a combination of some, all or none of the above.
I could never tell people about this, they’d think I was a freak or laugh at me!
In a world where sexuality is promoted as the norm, many asexuals grow up thinking that they’re somehow sick, broken or deficient. It’s natural to internalise these fears and believe that other people will think your asexuality is as big a deal as you always have. In fact it’s really not so terrible.
Most people are pretty accepting of asexuality once they understand it. You may find that coming out often needs to be followed by an explanation of what asexuality is and isn’t, be patient with people. It’s likely that you initially had some trouble accepting your own asexuality and understanding what it meant, it’s not surprising that other people have the same problem when they first hear of its existence.
I got this information from:
It says everything that I find difficult to come up with and write myself.
Filed by renaeden at April 20th, 2008 under Random/Daily Stuff.
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^See what happens when I can’t think of a title?
I have been wanting to do a MediTrain course for a while. Thing is, it costs $650. In the course there is:
The course also includes:
)So I don’t have enough money to pay for the course but I do have a job waiting at the DSC (Disability Services Comission), 6 hours per fortnight. That is not a lot of hours, though I believe it is good for now and it is work and experience that I could really use. With the job, I will be able to save for the course. It will just take an incredibly long time! ;)
I went to Centrelink to see if they could help me with paying for the course. The whole explanation for why they can’t got really complicated and I left there only knowing they can’t help me unless I come off the pension. That would mean that I would have to get a job whether I liked it or not. I think I am doing ok now as far as depression goes but I can’t help but think the pressure of trying to get a job and the possible failure of getting one will not help my mental health.
Centrelink person also told me that it would be better if I did a TAFE course. I would, but there are none in medical terminology and that sort of thing. In the end, it means I have to save up the money myself with no assistance.
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We have had some pretty wacky weather this year. At the start of the year there were days and days in a row of hot weather with the temperature over 34 degrees Celsius. There was a huge storm in late February. And on April 1st, we weren’t fooled by the full month’s rainfall in 3 hours. I haven’t seen the backyard flood like that before.
I am interested in weather and can read weather maps easily (my sister taught me a lot when I was younger). The amount of rainfall we get is particularly interesting to me as we have water restrictions and I would like to see those restrictions lifted. Somehow, though, I don’t see that happening as Perth and the metropolitan area has had huge population growth. There has been talks of water desalination in WA , I don’t know if it will start soon. When I go to wash my car, they use recycled water and we are also encouraged to use grey water (left-over water from the shower, washing machine, etc. Not the toilet!)
The weather forecast for today predicts more rain this afternoon. A satisfied Yay.
Filed by renaeden at April 7th, 2008 under Random/Daily Stuff.
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