ECT.
As in Electro-Convulsive Therapy, not the incorrect way some people write et cetera. 
In 2005 I dealt with some pretty bad depression. A lot of small things happened that saddened me and my self-esteem disappeared. So I did my whole “go on a long walk to think about it and get all the people that care about me so worried that they call the police” routine. I didn’t think of the impact on people, now I do realise what it did and know that back then I was thinking only of myself.
I ended up being admitted to psychiatric hospital as a result. I stayed there for three months. I had a psychiatrist assigned to me that didn’t believe I was autistic, I was just depressed. Depression was the main part at that time. Many medications were tried on me: antidepressants, anti-psychotics and anti-anxieties were the main ones. Anti-psychotics were awful, they made me shake and twitch a lot and so they were stopped. One antidepressant made my blood pressure rise and I finally found out what a really bad panic attack felt like (worse than I have ever had without crying).
I saw a lot of people come and go at that hospital. I wanted to feel better but didn’t know how and so was content to just sleep all day.
Two months passed and I guess the doctors were ready to try ECT as my depression remained the same. I was told about ECT and asked whether I was willing to try it and I was. I know some patients/people are horrified at the thought of ECT but at that time I was willing to have it because there didn’t seem to be anything to lose. If you are depressed and not wanting to live, the thought of ECT doesn’t even get a thought reaction. Another psychiatrist came to see me to assess whether ECT would be suitable for my sort of depression. Here in Western Australia, two psychiatrists have to agree on using ECT as a treatment for a patient. The second psychiatrist agreed and then I had to sign a form giving my consent to treatment. I was woken up one afternoon to sign it and I should have listened to the doctor reading out the form to me but I didn’t. A form as important as that should be read.
The next week I was taken to another hospital (the hospital I was at wasn’t doing ECT that day, I forget why) in a hospital car with another person named Trevor. He had had ECT before and was fine with it. The other hospital I went to was/is specifically a psychiatric hospital. The section I went to looked quite new, as in built recently. Directly inside was a waiting room, so I think that area was made for ECT patients from other hospitals specifically. Trevor had his ECT first which was annoying to me as I don’t like waiting and there was nothing worth reading in the waiting room. I waited for about half an hour then was called through to a room that looked like a small operating theatre. There were four people in there. I had taken all my jewelery off at the hospital I was from beforehand so I just had to take off my shoes and my glasses right then.
I was directed to lay on a narrow hospital bed with light blue sheets so I did that and then someone rubbed some gel on my temples and then stuck some sort of stickers there and held them on tightly with their hands. That felt odd. Someone else laid a sheet on me and I was grateful for that as I felt cold. An anaethsetist put a needle in my hand and then the anaesthetic went through. I could not keep my eyes open after that. That feeling is very strange.
I woke up in the same place ?time later with those same people standing around me reassuring me that everything went well. I had a headache like I had banged my head all over on something hard and my face felt hot. I was told I could sit up and the needle was taken out of my hand. I felt a bit shaky and woozy but otherwise fine. I sat for a few minutes then I was helped up to walk out to the car to go back to hospital. I don’t think I was very alert on the way back to hospital. When I got back I had something to eat for lunch and had a bit of a sleep and then I felt normal physically for the rest of the day.
What I felt when I woke up the next morning was a whole different story. I felt like I had been beaten up and there were no noticeable signs on the outside. I can’t remember if I had been told about this beforehand or not. But I felt really bad and I could hardly move. I do remember that someone said ECT usually only does this on the first time having it and found out that this was true for me. The muscle pain was due to seizure activity. I was still quite sore when I had the second ECT, this time in the same hospital I stayed at. My psychiatrist was there and so were three nurses that I recall. It was quite strange because the room where the ECT was done was at the other end of the hospital and so the three of us patients (it was always three for this) took a wheelchair each and pushed it there. This was so the nurse that accompanied us on the way there could wheel each of us back to the ward when each ECT was done.
When I woke up from the second ECT, I was asked strange questions like what was my name, did I know where I was and so on. I answered the questions and then one of the nurses told me I had them worried because my seizure went on and on for about five minutes. I felt fine, though, a little bit sore from the first ECT still. The doctor told me later on that they had to use almost twice the amount of succinylcholine than they do on most people in the times afterwards that I had ECT.
Suxamethonium chloride (also known as succinylcholine, scoline, or colloquially as sux) is a medication widely used in emergency medicine and anesthesia to induce muscle relaxation, usually to make endotracheal intubation possible. Suxamethonium is sold under several trade names such as Anectine, and may be referred to as “sux” for short. - From Wikipedia.
I don’t know why this happened. I do know that I started feeling better mentally after four to five ECTs. I started staying up all day and making an effort to get dressed and I also started eating more. I was encouraged in all of these things. I started going to the activities that were on during the day, especially the art program and the morning walk. I didn’t have to coax myself to do those things, I actually felt like doing them which surprised me as previously I had little hope of feeling that way again. In total I had ECT eight times, spread over 3 weeks.
For me, the memory loss associated with ECT was and is pretty bad. The reason I say “is” is because the memories I lost during the time of having ECT, they have not come back. I do not think they ever will. I have tried jogging my memory but that doesn’t work, it is like the memories I try to remember were never there in the first place. I was told that it would be short-term memory that would be affected. Whole days are gone from my memory. In a way, I think that happens to almost everyone anyway. Can you remember what you did on October 7 2002? (you are exempt if this date is your birthday) I thought I would remember Christmas Day 2005, but I have no memory of it at all. There are other events and things that I did that I probably should remember and yet have no recollection. One particular memory that I am sad to have lost is when I met my husband for the first time in Melbourne in earlier 2005. I spent a week with GA and I can barely remember any of it. GA has told me a lot of what happened then, yet I still don’t remember it.
My family definitely don’t/did not support the idea of me having ECT. Hearing “ugh, that’s because you had ECT” after saying I don’t remember a particular event makes me sad.
I have wondered if I would consent to having ECT again. I feel that if I get that level of depression again, I will definitely consider it. Between suicidal depression and ECT, I would choose ECT.
Filed by renaeden at May 26th, 2008 under Related to Mental Health