Infinite Diversities

More writings from hospital.

Still 15-12-07

GA is coming here in an hour. I have no idea how to spend the hour until he gets here. I am not interested in reading or playing a game or colouring something in or watching tv.

After breakfast I tidied up the art pile in the dining room. It was kind of messy and I have a feeling it will be that way before long again. I have the hiccups right now and they are annoying. A nurse came to check on me and said I had the hiccups and that is all. I also have a headache but that seems to be dissipating. I told the nurse I was still dizzy even now and she told me it is a result of the medication I took. I wonder how long that will last? I nearly fell over in the toilet and also in the shower. The floors are not slippery either. It is just my balance. Oh good, now my hiccups are gone.

I am still sleepy but I don’t want to sleep right now because that will make it harder tonight. I must have had only four hours of sleep last night, no wonder I am tired.

Later…

Josh has been here and he showed me some replies in response to the thread he made on Gestalt. I feel bad, I had no idea they cared so much. One member said she was going to cry. It is strange because I didn’t think people know me there that well, given my short posts and all. But I guess you can say a lot with just a few sentences.

But I am annoyed at a person’s response being, “You are one of the most cheerful people I know!” Um, no I am not. I just took an overdose. And that is why I am in hospital. Argh.

When GA turned up I was really glad, he brought me a lot of stuff I needed, especially underwear and deodorant. I also got my wallet, phone and recharger. And two GA pictures, heh. GA told me that Mum rang and he told her that I was in Fremantle hospital but that is all the information he gave her because his phone ran out of battery power.

He joined me for lunch but he was a bit shy and unsure at first, probably unsure whether he was entitled to the food. Eh. We both had meat on a bun and GA had salad. It is still cloudy, odd weather for summer. I am still not allowed off the ward but when I am later, I don’t know where I will go. Probably nowhere. I don’t feel like doing much. Dinner is at 5pm. I am still dizzy but I am not doing too badly at this writing. I am still wondering how long it will take for the dizziness to go away.

For some reason, I feel like watching some Stargate right now. My eyes are still experiencing nystagmus. I can tell.

6pm…

When GA left, it took a while for him to actually go. He kept hugging me. I think there is some miscommunication between GA and Mum. I got a phone call from Mum about half an hour ago. She is ok, she thought I walked here! She knows about the overdose. She understands desperate situations and that GA can’t watch me all the time. She thinks my depression will last the rest of my life. Maybe it will. I want to fight it but I am tired of it, too. I don’t know if I will be in here over Christmas. In a way I hope so. Family Christmases have always made me uncomfortable even though I like to see my family.

GA thinks Mum doesn’t trust him. But I told him not to tell Mum anything until I was in hospital and the emergency part was over. Mum said just as well because she was having a party. Some people may think that is shallow but I can appreciate it.

Filed by renaeden at December 30th, 2007 under Related to Mental Health