My ranty whiny sad post. Writings from hospital.
I was in hospital for depression about two weeks ago now. I just wanted to post some things that I wrote while I was in there.
14-12-07.
GA left about 3:30pm? I hope he got home alright. Then Neil the nurse came and took the bung (that is what he called it) out of my arm. It was long, I think GA would have been impressed. I slept for an hour until dinner which is at 5pm. It was apricot chicken with something that looked suspiciously like zucchini. I just mixed it with mashed potato and ate it anyway. Some people sat next to me but I did not speak to them. I would have, though, if they spoke to me. I get the feeling that some people would like to talk about themselves if asked the right questions but are too shy to or hesitant to bring up the subject. I am going to bed now. I still feel dizzy. Hopefully no nightmares.
Later….
It is about 8:45pm now. Someone came in my room to give me my Lamictal. So I must have slept a few hours. I don’t feel refreshed and I still have my deserved headache. I was going to have a shower tonight but I think I will tomorrow, now. I hope GA brings some clothes tomorrow and that it is easy for him to get here. He didn’t even know where he was when he left since we came here by ambulance…
I feel bad because it is Mum’s Birthday today and I got her a present but I haven’t wrapped it yet nor did I remember to get a card to go with it. I wonder if she will be angry that I am in here. I want to message my best friend. I miss here and I am sorry that I said things before to her that were mean. I was frustrated, that is why I said them. And I am worried for her health. I wonder if her GP admitted her to hospital to get her blood levels stabilised or something because she hasn’t been eating right. I wish to see her again.
I went and made a cup of tea after my medication and there was a girl there, on the phone to her mum I think. She was really articulate, I am impressed. The girl is only 18. Dressed all in black.
15-12-07
I had bad dreams all night. I know they gave me 10mg of Temazepam but it didn’t work. Then I was on and off asleep.Every time I woke up, I thought it was light and I looked out through the curtain to find it was still dark outside. What a disappointment. Then a nurse noticed I was awake all the time (they do checks) and said to me not to pretend that I am asleep. I went to the toilet and when I came back to my room, the nurse was there with 2mg of Lorazepam. That worked and is still working I think because I still feel dizzy and can’t walk straight. Maybe that is still to do with the Tegretol I took.
Later…
I wonder what Mum thinks. I haven’t rung her or seen her for her birthday. I feel awful about it.
I have already had breakfast - two pieces of toast with strawberry jam and a cup of tea. I haven’t had a shower yet. All the clothes I have I have been wearing for three days. Still hoping GA will visit and bring more! I saw in the bathroom across from my room that someone has left their toiletries in there. I might shower in there and use the deodorant if there is some. But not roll-on. That means someone else has used it and it is yuck to me. I will have to change back into my already worn clothes.
No one wears an ID bracelet here so I could throw mine out. But I am in the habit of keeping them so I will wait until GA gets here. I love him so much but when he is bored, look out. I will have to keep him not bored.
Some people are arguing near my room about a map. I wonder what the other patients are doing with their time. There are a few artistic sorts here. I feel somewhat safe. Am determined to make an effort.
Filed by renaeden at December 29th, 2007 under Related to Mental Health